Chapter Two of “You’re the Greatest Love of All”…
In continuing with the theme of self love, I wanted to explore connection… In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), each side of the body and all the organs are related to either Yin or Yang. When considering the Heart as Yin, and the right side of the body as Yang, let’s explore the love connection with other people within the month of March…
March the first began with St David’s day, the patron saint of Wales. A daffodil, a leek and a dragon raised their heads to me as I created a “Happy St David’s Day” image to send to my Welsh friend! Funny thing with the Welsh and the English, is that I don’t believe I’ve ever been in a room with a Welsh person present that there hasn’t been any banter! Either being directed at me, or with me directing it at them! It’s just what we’ve always done… but why? I’m sure there are many reasons; historically; being neighbouring Countries; and good old competitive Rugby! This year, by simply wishing her a happy St David’s Day, resulted in some good quality communication. A catch up chat, some laughter, discussions, and a reconnecting of our hearts – of course, with a little banter thrown in for old times sake! At the end of the day, whether it is cheeky banter, or a heart felt catch up with friends, it is all communication, connecting our hearts.
Another celebration of bringing people together falls on the 17th, good ol’ St Patrick’s Day, the patron Saint of Ireland. This seems to be one of the most well known and celebrated day by many, Irish or not! Not sure if it has anything to do with their choice of drink… a little bit of Guinness lol. It is usually a very jovial time of the month, with some green adorned people jigging around spouting “to be sure to be sure”. Not to be too cliché of course, with a leprechaun here and there, and overall, everyone being best friends no matter what their background. You can’t help smiling and feeling like your heart is being uplifted in some way when surrounded by a strong sense of community, uniting and connecting people over this one little island’s holiday.
March also seems to be a time of wedding anniversaries for this side of the hemisphere, ours included. The coming together of 2 hearts, whether you’ve had a ceremony and a piece of paper, or just made a commitment to someone you love can raise the heart vibration. When love, honour, communication and trust are present, long term heart connections are more likely to prevail.
Consider these words for a moment to yourself… love, honour, communication and trust. Are you fully able to have these qualities and feelings with other people, if you don’t already have them for yourself? Truly? Just take a moment to notice how your body is feeling with reading these words, and where do you feel it most? Just notice for yourself, and maybe go ahead and journal it, if it brings up things that need emptying out.
It is so important to feel connected in our hearts especially at the moment, amidst all the fear, uncertainty, differing opinions on certain topics going on, etc. Well, it goes without saying… it is always important (yes I know I still said it!). When we surround ourselves with people who lift our hearts, it can provide us with a form of medicine. Notice how you feel when you connect in some way with another person. When you experience a sense of belonging, of feeling understood, sharing similarities or loving memories, can all help us towards our hearts feeling connected. Anything that creates a sense of connection, can help to increase warm and cosy feelings inside, almost as if you are spoon feeding yourself with a soothing medicine.
Close your eyes and imagine yourself in a room with other people right now. Notice how you feel…
- Do you truly feel like your heart is being fully lifted and warm inside? Or do you still feel a little alone deep inside?
- Are you able to be honest with other people?
- Can you open up to other people?
- Have you ever felt honoured?
- Do you truly feel listened to?
- Can you love and receive love?
- Can you trust other people and let them in?
If you are completely comfortable with these questions, then awesome! If you are unable to do any of the above, then awesome too! Huh?! Well, think about discomfort… how we feel when we can’t do things, when we feel uncomfortable, or fearful, etc etc. It is all information. Information gives us opportunities to do something about it! When we have uncomfortable information about ourselves, in effect, empowers us… we are able to take note of where we are at, and then do something about it. The ability to give the necessary time, love and attention to ourselves, just as we would for someone else. Yes, we cannot do it all on our own, we are social beings, we need to feel connected, to get help from whoever is the most appropriate solution to the problem.
Sometimes it is enough to talk to a friend to help feel better. Sometimes we can journal to process it through. Sometimes we can use techniques to help ourselves feel better. However sometimes, there are repeating annoying patterns, things holding firm and causing tension, friction and trouble! It is at these times we need to reach out to a qualified Holistic Therapist to get to the deeper more uncomfortable stuff that is continually rocking our boats. To help us more easily understand what is going on for us, to help us unpack, process, and then ideally get rid of what is the origin of discomfort. This may be from an emotional pattern, a physical trauma or disability, a past trauma, emotional or physical… it could be from anywhere, whatever angle.
The important thing is to notice it, just like you would an upset child crying in the corner. You wouldn’t just ignore them, hopefully! Although, if you did, then this is more information to tell you something needs to change!
This brings back a memory for me along similar lines… a very embarrassing one…
One early morning before school started, I was sitting on my bicycle, adorned in my school uniform. I was minding my own business on a corner at the bottom of a quiet sloping road, whilst waiting for my friend to arrive to then ride into school together… I then heard the screech of bicycle brakes… I looked up in time to see a boy I fancied skid over some gravel at the bottom of the hill then fall over his handlebars! He just sat there in the middle of the road dazed and shaking his head. What did I do?… … Well… I pretended I hadn’t seen him of course! Good plan I thought, just keep looking the other direction and he won’t notice me!
Keeping quiet, I pretended I was so focused on something down the road, that I was miles away and hadn’t noticed him! On the outside, I must have appeared stuck up, aloof, rude, ignoring him and uncaring. On the inside I was literally beside myself not knowing what to do.
There was no way I could talk to him, especially a boy I fancied, the shame of it!
I felt embarrassed, shamed, ruthless, cowardly, you name it, I was feeling it. I was frozen in my shame, with complete turmoil going on inside, everything completely opposite to how I was probably appearing on the outside! Oh how I wish I could have just had the courage to ask if he was alright.
It just goes to show, never underestimate how someone maybe feeling inside just by their outside actions and appearance. Never underestimate how a simple task of speaking to someone can cause a hurricane of turmoil inside, scrambling every human ability to connect, care and function. It is sad how some people have to apply layer upon layer of protection and defences just to be able to perform a simple behaviour and speak to someone.
Which is why I love early intervention, helping families to understand what pushes each family member’s buttons. Providing the space for self expression. Identifying and understanding patterns of discomfort, to be able to feel calm, centred, comfortable and confident.
To then be able to be comfortable in your own skin and simply be there for yourself and someone else in need as your true energising caring self!
So may be next time you see someone who rubs you up the wrong way, appearing rude or distant, reactive, aloof, angry or frustrated etc etc… spare a little thought for their inner child, their heart, and what they may have been through to have needed to work so hard on applying all of their layers. Or may be it is your heart that need a bit of TLC? Practice the importance of empathy, love, connection, and care, even when all you want to do is run away, hide, or judge them or yourself for appearing rude. A little heart connection goes a long way, if you are unable to give or receive it quite yet, just give yourself time, time to feed that courageous heart.
Whichever side of the story you find you are on, the person in need or the person who can give, ensure you put your oxygen mask on first! Ensure you give and receive that heart connection to yourself first, and know it may not be easy for you right now, but take those small steps, and tread lightly, you are not the only one feeling this way. You matter, and you are here reading this, wanting to help yourself and others from the best possible place you can be now, things will get better and better from here.
So take the time to notice, spend time with and comfort your inner child, your heart, yourself, who is needing to be heard and honoured.
Know that you are not alone, you do not have to do things all on your own. Be open to receiving a little help, there is always help out there from someone somewhere, go on, have courage and ask.
Connect with someone who you feel comfortable with, however you feel comfortable to.
We can read all the books under the sun on helping ourselves, however true healing comes from real life connection to ourselves, nature and others.
Connection is where magic happens!
Tip… Every day, take a moment or two to imagine you are cuddling your own heart, get a routine initially to ensure you do this at the same time every day. Take note of how your heart physically feels or looks in your minds eye.
Acknowledge what emotion you are feeling, and be real with yourself. Notice how you respond when you pay your heart some loving attention, when you give yourself positive words, praise. It is time to honour your heart, listen to your heart whilst you are grounded, and trust your instincts.
Listen to your heart when it calls to connect with someone… find a way every day to have social contacts with people you care about, or be open to making new connections, true connections, heart felt connections, even if it is just a smile to someone when out and about. Maybe enrol in a fun creative course online or in person, however you feel guided to, and however your circumstance enables you to.
Get out in and connect with nature every day, even if its just to your post box daily, or into your back garden, get your green nurturing fix!
So, explore creative ways of getting your heart connection “medicine” daily, to feel comfortable, calm, have meaningful relationships and feel connected to yourself and others in this ever changing world.
Thank you for reading, and I wish you success in your journey to feeling comfort at “home” in your own body and finding cherished connections however you feel comfortable to.
Enjoy noticing and nourishing your heart connection xxx